Seven years of pain, I was undergoing an auto-immune disease that caused my skin to be infected and my body to ache which limited my mobility. I was trapped to my bed. I remember scratching myself so intensely, I could hardly sleep and would wake up screaming in pain and bleeding.
My dear parents would hold me down as I cried and begged for the pain to stop. They took me to multiple highly rated medical specialists in the Chicago area. Neither doctor or medication helped the symptoms but instead continued to make it worse and left me as a failed test subject for every specialist and medication out there.
I was so confused, hopeless and helpless. I didn’t know what to do. One day, my intuition told me I needed to leave Chicago for some time, to “retreat.” I chose Hawaii, where I had family.
I lived there for 6 months and went through a shift in my reality. There I found something, my other and “better” self. Every night, I watched the sunset and listened to the waves. I felt the breeze kiss my bleeding skin. With time, I settled into the reality of what was happening. I was living in delusion. I was blinding my reality and blocking my emotions through substances and distractions. I began to slow down and process the unresolved emotions that were driving the disease. I cried a lot, I screamed a lot, I laughed a lot, and I began to feel myself again. I was healing my soul.
Eight months went by and my skin began to brighten and my pain softened. I was walking, swimming, and smiling. I rediscovered my connection with God and perhaps even more deeply, I rediscovered the connection with Myself. I became a kid again. Hopeful and joyful for life. I woke up excited to breathe, I was eating nourishing foods, and I re-created loving connection with my friends and family.
Looking back, I see this as an Initiation. At the time I was just grateful for getting my life back. And now, with a profound purpose: I am grateful to help others get their lives back, too.
My journey taught me that at the end of the day – behind addictions, career, belief – we all want the same thing. To wake up excited to live another day, to give thanks for the simple gifts of life, and to enjoy life together as One.
I found my medicine. It’s on a beach, in a garden, by the fire, by the stream, on the dance floor, in a yoga class, singing to myself and others, eating nourishing foods, and with family and friends. It is the medicine of Community, of Culture, of Creation, and of Connection. I am the medicine and so are you.